New Places to Screw in a Lightbulb

Now that's gotta hurt. Pakistani prisoner Fateh Mohammed says he woke up in his cell with a lightbulb up his ass. He doesn't know how it got there. Now look at the picture folks. That puppy is like way the hell up there. How did it not break? I mean comeon -- you know what it feels like just trying to pass a steak dinner -- so how do you screw a lightbulb in up there unless your butthole is like the opening of a Wide Mouth Mickey (that's a beer for those of you going "whaaaa?") That lead me to believe that Mohammed has been....lets say exercising...his anus for a while now.

So Mohammed is in jail for making alcohol, which is against the laws of Islam. Well isn't buggery a no no as well? How about abusing a Sylvania Blue Dot?

Watt the heck?

This Just In: 6 out of 10 Americans Think George Bush is a Fucking Idiot

So what's it gonna take for the remaining four to get their heads out of their asses, a nuke?



Bush Is Faulted on Economy as Gasoline Prices Rise, Poll Shows

June 29 (Bloomberg) -- Like most other Indiana residents, Chris Burden voted for George W. Bush twice, mostly because he saw the Texan as someone with values similar to his own.

Now, with his income stagnant and rising fuel prices making it harder to keep his Evansville lawn-care business in the black, Burden has soured on the economy, and the president.

He's not alone. More than six in 10 Americans say the country is on the wrong track, according to a new Bloomberg/Los Angeles Times poll. More than half disapprove of Bush's handling of the economy, and 36 percent strongly disapprove. Almost half, 48 percent, say his policies have made the economy worse than it was when he became president; 19 percent say it's better.

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Ass End Up

I won't say which ass is mine, but the other belongs to my very cool cousin who joined the festivities at Montauk for a few days and left with a regional wardrobe almost identical to mine.

I think I'd like to be creamated in these sweats. Somehow fitting don't you think?

Next Blog to Wherever this Guy Ain't

So what's with the "Next Blog" tag in the upper right of Blogger sites bringing you to like, nowhere? I like to troll every once in a while but all I get are a bunch of crazy Brazilian soccer fan sites, some really bad poetry sites, Farsi heiroglyphics, Taiwanese school girls, and stupid conversatives from Oregon who post big pictures of their kids with every detail a pedophile needs to get him some action. This picture is from one of the sites I visited tonight. What the heck is it? Yes, I know its a record album cover but Yikes! What is with all that hair Odair? And check out the teeth on the dude in the back. Obviously that was before their musical careers really took off and they could afford the finer things in life (like braces).

So this is, I guess, my inaugural Ode to the Oddblogs. I'll post 'em as I see them and try to include links (which this time I forgot).

Being a Girlie Girl

Okay so I'm back in dress mode. My best friend just got engaged and is getting married in November! Beating me to it by almost a year. And she's only known him for a few months. All thoughts on that subject aside, it has driven me back into "what not to wear mode". Saw this lovely little number in In Style. It costs about $2500 I think, which is ridiculous for anything you only plan on wearing once and is also about $2000 over my budget. Still...it's awfully yummy.

Hastert Hooked? Hopefully.

Great piece on Marketplace on NPR tonight, the continuing saga they've dubbed "Power Trip". Here little Denny Hastert, beams at the photo of his big catch shows off the big fish he caught at a five-star resort in Alaska. The five-star resort he visits every year with select energy executives. The five-star resort he visits every year under the auspices of a cancer charity. The exact "recreational charity event" that the House and Senate said was bad for biz and outlawed their club members from attending gratis. As the piece makes clear, Hastert isn't alone on this yearly pilgrimage to the sportfishing playground, but what's interesting in this case is that last year Hastert's PAC paid for the $25,000 trip. Before that? No records. Interesting no?

Read more:

http://marketplace.publicradio.org/shows/2006/06/26/PM200606266.html

View from the Road

Off the dunes and back into the muck. That's how the Monday after vacation feels. It sucks pure and simple. Give me another day with the breezes of Montauk, the long empty beach, and a comfortable hoodie. Brother G-Balls and I were swimming in the heated pool across from the still very cold waters of the Atlantic and we agreed, "Ah yes, these are the Salad Days," before he beaned me with a sopping pool toy. We tried our best to ignore politics, although we did agree that the rain the last few days was definitely caused by a bunch of Haitian terrorists out to ruin our good time. I'm glad I was on vacation and could ignore the news coverage of that joke. I was too busy sleeping and eating foods that are very, very bad for me.