Moxieland

Strange Coinkydink?

2007-04-13T16:34:00.000-05:00

If I were Benson man I'd be bummed.

Happy Friday

2007-04-13T16:26:00.000-05:00

Awesome website you simply must play with...

You can morph your face or those of anyone else into a baby, a monkey, a Japanese anime cartoon, a white, black, asian person, a Botticelli or El Greco.

Naturally this makes me want to play with picture of famous dickheads. Here i my favorite, which I think is rather appropriate.

Guess who...

Physician Heal thy Greedy Ass Self

2007-04-13T15:06:00.000-05:00

I had to take care of an email today that was received at my 9-5 job where usually we work with big companies to save them money on their telephone bills.

Here is the email, which came in via our sales url on the website:

I am a physician in California and would like to have automated software that enables patients to sign up, pay a monthly fee via credit card, and enable telephone contact to me. For example, a patient will pay me $150/month for direct access to me 24/7. However, I would like the whole system to be patient driven via telephone phone or internet, so there would be no labor issues on my end. If possible I would like to patent this package and market it to other physicians.

You gettin' this? This California boob surgeon (okay, making an assumption but it's my blog) wants to charge his patients an EXTRA $150.00 a month to TALK TO HIM. In his world it's no longer enough to overcharge the insurance company who in turn has to overcharge the patient. No, if you want unfettered access to this physician you have to pay him an extra $150.00 a month. Oh, and as the for the technology end of his "patented package" -- the work all has to be done on the patient side. He doesn't want to do anything. Just collect.

I am tempted to post the not-so-good doc's name all over the place to let his patients know how much he cares about them.

THE VELVET FACTOR: ALRIGHT, ENOUGH OF THIS BULLSHIT, IMPEACH THIS PRICK ALREADY

2007-04-10T23:15:00.000-05:00

THE VELVET FACTOR: ALRIGHT, ENOUGH OF THIS BULLSHIT, IMPEACH THIS PRICK ALREADY

Bite My Liberal Ass

2007-04-10T23:02:00.000-05:00

Ted Velvet came under attack by weak-blooded, Fairfield County-type, country music loving, smug-faced, follow-the-leader, douchebag Bush lovers this week because of Ted's latest eloquent attack on Punkin'Puss' most recent disregard of Congress.

My thoughts from the plethora of comments received:

1. There seemed to be an almost unhinged reaction to our man Ted's colorful use of language. What, Republican's don't say Fuck? Tell that to Cheney.

2. No one actually disagrees with anything Ted says.

3. Right wing automotons can't spell: "You ar what is wrong with the nation, not a president. Disn't you guys promise to go to Canada?

4. These people are fucking scary: "That is why people like velvet need to be controlled as do "abusers" who incite vilolence on using the internet...

Okay Ted got it? Don't curse, go to Canada where apparently all the really bad American dissidents go, and stop inciting vilolence on the Internet.

Amish Swimwear

2007-03-30T10:46:00.000-05:00

This ain't your great grandma's bathing costume...

My morning dose of Daily Candy -- the oh so fashion forward news of the day -- left a poop in my inbox.

"Wholesomewear, a line a swimwear for the modest beachgoer."

Yippee I thought, maybe something has finally emerged for the rest of us for a change...

Uhhhhh... well, I'm not quite ready to dress like an Amish hausfrau at the beach if there were beaches anywhere near the landlocked Amish hausfraus. Yikes!

If I walked down the beach wearing one of these throwbacks to the turn of the LAST century I'd have a line of little Mormon kids waddling after me like ducks.

And lets face it...isn't that who these garments are intended for?? The fundamentalist right wing "drag your daughters back to the stoneage" set? Somehow I don't think the ultra conservative mom who homeschools her 19 kids in between prayer meetings is subscribing to email post that focuses on hip fashion in trendy hotspots of the world.

Or is Lancaster PA the next Milan???

Holy Reincarnation Batman

2007-03-16T11:28:00.000-05:00

I am not yet dead.

SULU VS. HARDIWAY

2007-02-21T19:26:00.001-05:00

The best answer to just about any moron is making fun of him...

ODE TO CALVIN

2007-02-20T23:09:00.000-05:00

I love clever people with way too much time on their hands.

DRAGONSKIN FOR THE DRAGOONS

2007-02-20T22:46:00.000-05:00

I've read some pros and cons about this stuff, some critics saying that it doesn't work. But lets face it, when a bunch of parents of soldiers about to be put on the firing line will do anything they can to buy armor for their kids because the government won't provide it, there's something disgustingly wrong with the way this war is being fought. No wonder there are so many eyeless, boneless, chickenless eggs (to quote and old Irish song) in Walter Reed.

Read more

A FINE ROMANCE

2007-02-14T18:38:00.000-05:00

Yep. That's Mr. Mox & Me. Diehard romantics.

He brought me tea today...and I almost forgot to drink it.

He brought me flowers, and I still owe him his chocolates.

He cleaned the snow off my car and warmed it up...and I didn't go anywhere.

But I did let him take a nap and I woke him up right when he told me too!

And I did tell him to be careful about 1,000 times before he ventured out into the frozen tundra.

And I did book us for a couple's massage...even though its like 2 months from now.

See, I am romantic goddamnit.

SNOW DAY

2007-02-14T10:59:00.000-05:00

Well winter finally arrived in CT but instead of snow we've got this lousy ice crap. You can't tell from the picture but its a mess. So I'm stuck on my hill working from home. I suppose there are worse places to be.

A GIGGLE THAT GROWS

2007-02-08T09:27:00.000-05:00

OOH I'M SO ANGRYYYYY....

2007-02-05T20:28:00.000-05:00

Imagine my horror and disgust when I got into my car this morning, turned on the radio expecting to hear my Monday morning dose of rabble-rousing from the Young Turks and instead heard...sports. What the ...? ESPN radio on 1300 -- New Haven's Progressive Talk Radio?

Sure enough I got to work, fired up Old Blue (well, gray really) and went to the website. I was greeted with this pathetic goodbye:

Thanks to each and every one of you for being such loyal on-air/on-line listeners to the VOICE Progressive Talk Radio 1300 (theVOICE1300.com).

Effective Monday, February 5th, 2007, WAVZ-AM's program format will switch to sports as ESPN Radio 1300 (espnradio1300.com).

I fired off a "You Suck!" nastygram to program director and vowed to get satellite radio...

You're Finished

2007-02-02T21:47:00.000-05:00

I keep thinking of the last scene in "The Dead Zone" when Johnny Smith (Christopher Walken) who can touch a man and see into the future, goes to put a bullet in Greg Stillson (Martin Sheen) before the lunatic can become president and start a nuclear holocaust. Hmmm. Wonder why I keep thinking of this.

Johnny doesn't do the job because Stillson shows his true colors and holds a baby up in front of himself to block the shots. A kid takes a picture (btw: Sheen's kid Ramon Estevez). Johnny grabs onto Stillson's hand one last time and sees the photo on the cover of Time Magazine...and sees Stillson blow his brains out over it. "It's over" he mutters. "You're finished."

Great ending.

Why Must I Cry

2007-01-25T14:48:00.001-05:00

Because of the way you sing Dude.

GOD IS LOVE...

2007-01-25T13:06:00.000-05:00

Okay, just when you think it doesn't get any worse...it does.
Check out Donnie "The Reformed" Homosexuals latest video...

The

Add to My Profile | More Videos

C.H.O.P.S AWAY THE GAY

2007-01-25T12:57:00.001-05:00

Yeah, if I were gay this is the guys that would save me. Even better is his list of "Gay Bands"...Frank Sinatra, Ravi Shankar, John Mayer...

C.H.O.P.S AWAY THE GAY

2007-01-25T12:43:00.000-05:00

The complete list of Donnie's ban on gay bands is here

OUR STUPID YOUTH

2007-01-25T12:26:00.000-05:00

In a new series here at Moxieland, we'll take a look at the some of the more moronic people and things that have the misfortune to cross our paths...

Case in point No. 1: snottygrl1

Snottygrl1 applied for a job at my company yesterday. She emailed her resume in response to a posting for a receptionist. Whether she's qualified or not, I can't say. That's because she was immediately disqualified for sending her resume from an email account named snottygrl1@...

WHAT THE??

2007-01-24T16:45:00.000-05:00

Winner: Most Colorful Use of a Colon on a Bookcover Award

So what is it about the words "bodily fluids" that make me want to, well, spew bodily fluids?

INSOMNIA THEATRE DUDE

2007-01-18T14:44:00.000-05:00

The Dude Abides this Friday and Saturday night at the Criterion cinema in downtown New Haven.

Insomnia Theatre -- 11:30pm
Only $5 bucks to get in.

And proud we are.

Kyle Chandler in Homefront

2007-01-16T22:34:00.001-05:00

I LOVED THIS SHOW!! Kyle Chandler in Homefront was my dreamboat boy of all time. His romance with Ginger was classic boy meets girl, boy and girl fight constantly but still love each other, boy loses girl...you know what I mean. It was great TV.

SMUGMUG AND PUNKINPUSS

2007-01-16T22:07:00.000-05:00

From Bartcop

MORE BUSHIT

2007-01-16T21:44:00.000-05:00

Reading today's TPM post about the latest underhanded Bush & Co. scheme to get off scot free from their nefarious evil doings woke me out of a stupor. I hate them all.

Some people don't know nuthin' 'bout nuthin'

2007-01-11T17:20:00.000-05:00

So you wanna know where I been Joe? I'll tell ya Joe. I been to the bottom of the rotten barrel called life and back Joe, that's where I been. I been sick. I been tired. I been workin' for the man and for the man's man. I been workin' so much I'm sick 'n tired a workin' Joe, ya hear me? It's tough Joe. Money's tighter'n a tadpole's toothsocket and it disappears before I can even feel it.

So when I finally gets a minute Joe...when I finally gets one lousy minute to kick off my shoes and stare at the holes in my socks, I gets lied to. That's right, lied to. And bein' lied to is one thing Joe, but bein' lied to by some piss-ant never-done-an-honest-day's work-in-his-life silver-spoon-sucking, rightwing Christian coalition cowtowin' cokehead Alabama AWOL oil company shill, it tweaks me Joe. Really tweaks me.

Tell me one thing this wanna-be cowboy freeloadin' Rice 'n Rove lickin' marblemouthed con-artist knows about war Joe? Wanna tell me? You can't Joe. You can't because he don't know nuthin' bout nuthin. Take the names off the maps, Joe and he wouldn't be able to point to Iraq, or Iran, or Syria, or Israel or the Atlantic Ocean. He's dope Joe. He's the dope son of dope son of a dope Nazi-lovin' crook.

He's killin' kids for vanity Joe. He's botched everything he's ever touched and he's botched this one too. Now he's tryin' to save face for his daddy and his nasty broad Mama and his also-ran brother. The brother who coulda, woulda, shoulda be king Joe. And he's tryin' to sell it to the sick and tired folks like me Joe. He's tryin' to sell us more kids in coffins. He's making more foreigners think that everyone here is an ignorant facist pighead. People in the world think we're all racists, think we're all anti-anything that isn't American, think we we're as dumb as the shit-for-brains tumbleweed we got runnin' this outfit. Yeah Joe, I know. The fact that he was elected twice is pretty damning evidence on that last one. But hell Joe. I didn't vote for him. I didn't vote for you either Joe. The mention of your name in Punkin'puss's speech last night proves I was right about that at least Joe.

So when you comin' back to Connecticut Joe? We should talk. 'Course I'll probably be workin'.

SAYS WHO?

2007-01-02T21:12:00.000-05:00

Day two. Yet to find anything all that happy.

Will try to stay positive.

Don't rush me.

KNOCKIN' IN THE NEW YEAR

2006-12-30T21:19:00.000-05:00

Hey...
What the...

NUMBER THREE...WHO WILL IT BE?

2006-12-29T09:33:00.000-05:00

We know they always come in threes...

#1

#2

#3...
and some suggestions...

PERENNIAL FAVORITE

2006-12-27T17:02:00.000-05:00

A McMoxie favorite, particularly with us being the only family I know on this side of the pond who actually celebrate St. Stephen's Day. "The Wren, the wren, the king of all birds..."

I MISS CALVIN

2006-12-23T23:17:00.000-05:00

This was very much Christmas at my house growing up...only times six!

SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND

2006-12-22T12:27:00.000-05:00

Hi Kids!
My name is Rags. What's yours?
I'm the creation of Moxie's very twisted friend Linnie.
I come from the jolly land of Kotex.

Some people look at me kind of quizzically when I'm pinned to someone's coat and say things like, "That's not what I think it is, is it?"

And I laugh and say, "Why yes!"
"Yes I am. I'm a TamPal."
"Your friend in deed when you're in need!"

Maybe you'll get lucky and find a TamPal like me hanging on your tree this Christmas. I'll make you laugh. And make all the boys you know groan and say things like, "You're one sick chick."

Merry Christmas!

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS

2006-12-21T15:50:00.000-05:00

Uplifting message to receive during this season of joy.

FUNNY MCSNARKYBLOG

2006-12-20T23:34:00.000-05:00

I was just hanging out over on WTF is It Now -- a very funny blog which you should visit, like pronto. I'll make it easy for you...click here. Just the blog headings make me pee...

SMU pooh-poohs War Preznit's lieberry
Cheney to take the stand, blood of children
Who would Jesus hate?
Slime queen shitcanned

and my personal favorite:
Awol McWarmonkey's blazing clusterfuck

and that's not even the best name for Bush and his cronies. Let's see theres:

Awol von Bunnypants
Stupie McStuperson
Retard McJebus
Pickles Stepford
and Kissyface McLeghumper

Best laugh of the day.

AMBERGROSS

2006-12-18T23:49:00.000-05:00

It looks like a giant piece of petrified whale snot. Close. It's actually petrified whale vomit. This lady's sister found it on a beach years ago. Turns out it might be Ambergris, the elusive whale byproduct much desired for expensive perfumes.

Still, it's pretty damn disgusting if you ask me. And how the heck does someone figure out that whale puke might be just the thing to put on your wrists and cleavage to attract a man? Blech.

Read more.

ANOTHER FUN NIGHT ON THE ROAD

2006-12-16T21:50:00.000-05:00

Flat tire tonight outside the house of a friend where we were attending a Christmas party. Supposed to be celebrating another friend's birthday two hours later. Ooops. Flat tire. Call AAA. Tow truck arrives. Lug nuts have been cross-threaded by the last lunkhead who put on a tire. So the AAA guy can't get the tire off without breaking the lugnuts. No lugnuts, no tire on car. So back he went for an air compressor. Came back, put air in the tire and said, "Follow me to the shop and I'll put in a plug. But you're going to have to drive kind of fast..." I guess so the air wouldn't lead too fast? Anyway, went through 4 yellow/red lights on a careening tour through Norwalk to a shop on the edge of I-95 that would be the perfect place to hide some bodies.

Called the birthday girl and cancelled the rest of the evening.

Automotively speaking, I can't wait for this year to end.

FIRST PICTURES OF WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS BABY

2006-12-15T11:17:00.000-05:00

You know, somehow I just thought that Brad & Angelina's child would be more attractive.

REDNECK CHRISTMAS

2006-12-14T22:45:00.000-05:00

Creative. But somehow very, very sad.

MR. MOXIE

2006-12-11T13:51:00.000-05:00

This is the boy I'm fixin' to marry. Ain't he cute? He's on his annual two day shopping spree getting his girlie a trunkful of nicey nice.

The 150 LIST

2006-12-06T19:47:00.000-05:00

The List - 150

Copied the list from 32 and Counting who got it from someone else who stole it from a million other people.

The idea is simple: copy, bold the things you've done and post. (I highlighted the things I've done in green.) Here are mine (with a caveat or two)

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink (okay there were only 3 people in the bar but it still counts)
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the great pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I love you" and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea (the lightning was at sea; I was in my house over looking the sea...or Long Island Sound which is as close as we come here.)
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the northern lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning tower of pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day (does 8 hours count?)
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them (Does Burger King count?)
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the great wall of china
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played d&d for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the snake river
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in rocky horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the golden gate bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a t.v. Game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an african photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the grand canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than u.s . States
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read the iliad - and the odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own pc from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a dj
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

IBM KNOW NOTHING...

2006-12-05T20:42:00.000-05:00

I'm sick and bitchy. So bite me.
This caught my eye today in Stephen Lendman's piece for OpEd News on "The End of the Bush Dynasty" -- a tasty bit of history that chronicles the Bush family penchant for lying. In detailing Prescott Bush's associations with Union Banking and Brown Brothers Harriman and their associations with the Nazi's, Lendman sidebars into this interesting little snippet:

Particularly heinous was the role of IBM Headquarters System Engineering, Design Automation and Management (not covered in the Highman book) when it was run by Thomas Watson. The company used IBM tabulation equipment to set up a system for the Nazis to locate all the Jews of Europe and then sort, file and categorize them for extermination in the death camps using the company's equipment and whose camp personnel IBM employees trained. All the while this went on, IBM managed to fend off US War Department probes into its illicit activities so it could continue to profit handsomely from the Nazi genocide the company knew was taking place and was facilitating - all for the big "blood money" profits involved. Current shareholders of the company's stock might wish to take note of this and reconsider their investment choice.

Gee whiz, I can't find any reference at all to this on Big Blue's website. Hmm. Must do some more reading on this...

80s Flashback

2006-12-02T11:34:00.001-05:00

Haven't seen this in ages, but heard it on the radio the other day and started rerunning the video in my head. What ever happened to Paul Youhg? I loved him!

LOVE HIM

2006-11-29T16:08:00.001-05:00

DOH!

2006-11-27T21:33:00.000-05:00

Funny...

Riddle Me This Santa...

2006-11-26T20:45:00.000-05:00

1. Yeah, Hermie's gay. Everyone knows it. I mean, just look at that hair. But he's always had a good grip on his differences, doesn't care who knows he want's to be a dentist. But there are a great number of other "questionable" issues that crop up for me each year when the holiday specials arrive. Like what's wrong with the doll on the Island of Misfit Toys? And why is the Reindeer Games coach such a prick? And why does Rudolph talk like he's got a wad of cotton shoved up his shiny red nose? Questions that have haunted my dreams...

And apparently, I'm not the only one. Read on Max Burbank's dissertation on "Sixteen Serious Questions Raised by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and get yourself some Yuletide edgeimication.2. What the frack is this penguin's name already? Mickey Rooney Santa Claus find him in the forest and when I was a kid his name was "Waddles". Now his name is "Topper". What's up with that? It's driving me crazy.

THANKSGIVING WITH BUSH & CO.

2006-11-23T11:50:00.000-05:00

Eat up.
For tomorrow we indict.

THANKSGIVING THE WAY IT'S MEANT TO BE

2006-11-22T13:29:00.000-05:00

My-T-Fine pudding.

Now, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

Thanksgiving just isn't like it used to be. It used to mean something man. It used to mean Sunday morning on a Thursday, complete with rolls 'n everything. It meant black olives on your fingers for appetizers. Yeah. It was once-a-year shrimp cocktail and "The March of the Wooden Soldiers" and screaming with laughter and repeating "ooooooohhhh the boogie man."

It meant my mother in a dutch oven apron (okay, it was the '70s) saying, "John, get them out of here before I kill someone!" and my Dad taking all six of us to the beach before the "one" my mother killed was him. It meant coming home to a warm house that smelled better than it did all year long, and a table set with my Mom's wedding china and stuffing in the helmet bowl and apple cider fresh from the cooler at the local Dairy Barn.

Dinner meant frozen string beans, canned cranberries, mountains of mashed potatoes and gravy with those gross little giblet things my mother insisted on chopping up and throwing in there.

Desert meant pie. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. (My dad actually ate that I think; or I'm having another Dickensian acid flashback). Or pudding. And Ready Whip. Had to have Ready Whip.

We fought over who would wash and who would dry. My Mom and Dad sat and smoked and drank cocktails the way parents should.

Then we sat on the couch, chair, or bench, or laid on the rug and watched TV -- probably in black 'n white.

Now that's a Thanksgiving to remember.

The Skank & The Rapist

2006-11-17T14:08:00.000-05:00

Heidi Fleiss, she of prostitution fame, is opening a "Stud Farm" in Nevada and guess who is going to be her prime stud...the former heavyweight champeen of the world.

Yep, Mike Tyson.

Fleiss reportedly said, "I told him, 'You're going to be my big stallion.' It's every man's fear that their girlfriend will go for Mike Tyson."

So let me get this straight: Heidi Fleiss thinks that the Girl Next Door is not only harboring secret fantasies about doing it with a punch drunk, sissy-voiced, hasbeen convicted rapist, but that she is willing to pay for the privelege of being serviced by said stud as well. Damn, I'm so ashamed. She found me out.

Truthfully, I've already got my "Black Stallion"wrist band. Waited online for hours to get it. Had to beat off some bitch homecoming queen from Biloxi who kept trying to jump the line.

In all honesty, I can't decide which of them is more disgusting.

Read more

MoxiePage

2006-11-16T21:57:00.000-05:00

Sheez what a bitch that Anne is...

Yeah Coulter the 1st is a given, but that Anne Boleyn, yikes.

I'm reading "The Other Boleyn Girl" by Phillipa Gregory which is about exactly what the title says. Anne had a sister Mary who was actually Henry VIII's lover for quite a few years and bore him two children (including a son) without the benefit of marriage (since Mary had a husband and old Hank was already hitched to Catherine of Aragon). Mary's younger sister Anne came to court and started flashing those dark eyes at Henry and supplanted her own sister. But...she refused to bed the King and held out for the Second in Command seat, teasingn the hell out of him for years until he put aside Queen Kate and put the crown on Anne's head...the one she would lose a few years later after she, in turn, fell victim to the very machinations she had brought to court.

One hopes that a similar fate awaits Anne Coulter.

Fashion '06: The Wet Rat Look

2006-11-16T16:56:00.000-05:00

Someone want to tell me why this creature is considered attractive? Seriously, for all her money you'd think she could bathe on occasion.

Fire in the HOLE

2006-11-10T13:32:00.000-05:00

Oh those wacky Brits. They sure know how to part-ay.

Squaddie injures backside launching firework

By Michael Horsnell of The Times

The blue touchpaper was lit and everyone retired immediately, just as the trusted Firework Code recommends.

That is, except for the squaddie recently returned home from a tour of duty in Iraq who thought Bonfire Night needed enlivening.

The soldier was on all fours with his trousers down and a certain part of his anatomy pointing at the stars with a black cat thunderbolt rocket firmly in place.

The stunt, which mimicked a scene in the controversial film Jackass: The Movie, went off with a bang at the end of the display in Sunderland but it backfired on the the intrepid squaddie.

Named locally as Andrew Tilley, aged 22, he did not take off and land in the adjoining county of Northumberland but ended up in his local hospital where he is being treated for a scorched colon and other injuries.
Read more

BOYS DON'T CRY

2006-11-10T10:19:00.000-05:00

Aww Ken. Don't cry. Now you can stop hiding behind your suits and be your true self...Hillary Swank.

2006-11-08T17:16:00.000-05:00

mini-Lebowskifest 2006

Proof that there is a bowling alley in the Port Authority!

Moxiebeat

2006-11-08T17:06:00.000-05:00

JUBILATION...
A poem.

Un-huh. Un-huh.
Who is happy now.
de-Rummified.
un-facist-cide

Dancy Pantsy.
Very Fancy...

Pelosi, Nancy.

The Pit in a Bowlful of Cherries

2006-11-08T10:10:00.000-05:00

The only sour note in all of the jubilation is that I am sitting smack ass in the middle of the state that re-elected Joe Lieberman. I sincerely believe that if Schlesinger had come out swinging earlier he would have easily taken more GOP votes away from turncoat Joe. Ned fought a good game, but in the end it wasn't enough.

Don't get me started...

If I have to look at this smug fuck's face for another couple of years it may as well be in a tutu.

Down in Flames

2006-11-07T23:21:00.000-05:00

Bye Bye Bushbastards

Put Up or Shut Up

2006-11-07T11:15:00.000-05:00

MoxieYux

2006-11-06T21:48:00.000-05:00

NAIL BITIN' TIME

2006-11-06T21:24:00.000-05:00

Yep. Mine are starting to bleed.

My Betrothed and I will be hitting the polls about 7am tomorrow morning and I'll be watching everything after that with baited breath -- exit polls, voter turnout, trending reports...the whole shebang. Yikes.

My secret fear: what kind of damage can the sitting houses do as retribution if the Dems win both? What new piece of thinly veiled graft will Bush & Co. try to ram through while the rest of America sleeps? What does the GOP Doomsday scenario look like? No wonder this guy looks so scared.

Vote damn it!

Yeah, that's right...Glee

2006-11-03T16:57:00.000-05:00

Listening to Ed Schultz yesterday and he was commenting on the breaking Haggard scandal telling a caller that was a little too happy over things that he really didn't wish the guy wrong. That the whole thing was terrible. "Can you imagine having something this personal become so public?" His poor family. His poor congregation. There are a lot of people in his ministry that are very upset right now... or something to that effect.

Yeah.

Fuck that.

I like Ed alot, but...er...No.

Here at last is what we "amoral liberal terrorist-loving, flag burning, Constitution spitters" would call FUCKING KARMA.

Hypocrites are the worst sort of scum and religious hypocrites deserve a special place at the very bottom of the pond it grows in. So do I feel bad for the 14,000 brainwashed automatons who attended Haggard's Mega-Church? No freakin' way. You want to hand over the control of your RIGHT TO THINK to someone else, as far as I'm concerned you give up the right to question the consequences.

So I'm gleeful. Yes I am. I'm gleeful that this putz got caught. I'm gleeful that it's happening 5 days before the most important election in my life. I'm gleeful that it will hopefully cause even more nutwingers to stay on the couch watching the freakin' "700 Club" instead of going out to vote on Tuesday. I'm gleeful because maybe the hypocricy of the situation will deal a death blow to the constitutional ban on gay marriage on the Colorado ballot. I'm gleeful because Karl Rove & his goon squad is shitting bricks. I'm gleeful because every day that passes the GOP becomes more of a fucking laughing stock in this country.

I'm gleeful because for the first time in four long, long years, I feel like the good guys are winning. Who cares if its because the other team keeps bobbling the ball (or balls as the case may be).

I'm gleeful because it turns out what my mother always said turned out to be true..."don't every do anything you don't want the whole world to know about." That's morality I can hang my dyed in the wool bright fucking blue "I'm a liberal and if you're not your a stupid schmuck" hat on!

Have a nice weekend. I am soooooo outahere...

Blogger is a piece of crap

2006-11-01T10:12:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to upload photos of things for days. I hate this freakin' service; am actively looking for somplace to migrate. Will take suggestions.

Dude. They're bumperstickers.

2006-10-29T19:30:00.000-05:00

Some appropriate bumperstickers courtesy of the folks at ucanadas.com

Mini-Lebowski Bowl-a-Rama in the Big Bad City

2006-10-29T15:58:00.000-05:00

How many people do you know that would drag their sorry middle-ages asses out of a warm and cozy house on a rainy and windy day in Connecticut to make a hellacious drive into NYC all to go bowling?? Well, yes, that would be us...me, the betrothed and the infamous Teddy V. Well worth the trip though I must say, all in tribute to the Coen Brothers' best bowling movie. The lanes were inside the Port Authority. Inside the Port Authority! Okay, anyone who doesn't know Manhattan doesn't really know what that means -- it's like putting a bowling alley inside of the world's biggest Greyhound Terminal-slash-Train Station. It's the kind of place that doe-eyed farm-fed Midwestern kids get "befriended" at when they step off the bus from Keekukuk Iowa thinking because they've played Erminguard Vandegelder in their high school production of "Hello Dolly" that they're ready to make it on the Great White Way. Except Guido the Killer Pimp spots their fresh-faced asses and the next thing you know they're on HBO's "Real Sex" or, as Teddy V reminded me as we drove past Hunts Point, "Hookers at the Point."

Still, the bowling was tres fun. I bowled like crap. I always do. I absolutely suck.

Sen. Burns Reveals Secret Plan for Iraq Win

2006-10-26T08:58:00.000-05:00

See. I told you we had one.

Have a laugh...

Can you say "Putz?"

Riddle Me This Vladimir

2006-10-25T09:31:00.000-05:00

MOSCOW (AP) - President Vladimir Putin reaffirmed Wednesday that he would not try to run for another term. Putin has confirmed that he will move to Hollywood where he will appear as The Riddler in the upcoming film "The Dark Knight", the sequel to the 2005 hit "Batman Begins". Putin aides confirm that he is currently in training with Tinseltown trainer and reality star Jackie Warner ("Work Out") in order to "do justice" (as he calls it) to the famed green questionmark leotard worn by the giggling psychopathic Gotham villain.

Read more

Hypocrite Idiot Liar Facist Weevil Scumbag Shithead

2006-10-22T15:09:00.000-05:00

Bush: ‘We’ve Never Been Stay The Course’

During an interview today on ABC’s This Week, President Bush tried to distance himself from what has been his core strategy in Iraq for the last three years. George Stephanopoulos asked about James Baker’s plan to develop a strategy for Iraq that is “between ’stay the course’ and ‘cut and run.’”

Watch here

Oh yeah, what about this Numnutz

2006-10-22T15:04:00.000-05:00

Stay The Course

AHHHHHHH.

Who's That Knockin' At My Doo-ah?

2006-10-19T15:19:00.000-05:00

Well, apparently we'll soon find out...

Judge Orders Release of WH Logs Sought By 'Wash Post'

Published: October 19, 2006 1:25 PM ET

WASHINGTON A federal judge has ordered the Bush administration to release information about who visited Vice President Dick Cheney's office and personal residence, an order that could spark a late election season debate over lobbyists' White House access.

The Washington Post asked for two years of White House visitor logs in June but the Secret Service refused to process the request. Government attorneys called it "a fishing expedition into the most sensitive details of the vice presidency."

News From...

2006-10-18T14:44:00.000-05:00

Yeah, well this explains everything...

Burns: President Keeping War Plan Quiet

By MATT GOURAS
Associated Press Writer

HELENA, Mont. (AP) -- Sen. Conrad Burns says he believes President Bush has a plan to win the war in Iraq but is keeping it quiet, a statement Democrats pounced on Wednesday as reminiscent of comments made during another divisive war.

Burns, at a debate Tuesday night with Democratic challenger Jon Tester, said he believes Bush has a plan to win - but added: "we're not going to tell you what our plan is."

Burns, who has said repeatedly the country must stay in Iraq as long as it takes to win the war, also seemed to suggest a new path may be needed in Iraq. He pointed to fellow Republican Sen. John Warner of Virginia, who has recently called for a new strategy in Iraq.

Red State, Blue State, State, State, State

2006-10-17T19:08:00.000-05:00

Great James Wolcott piece in the November Vanity Fair picks apart the Red State mythology and gives us Blue Staters some really fun giggly moments. For instance:

10 states with the highest incarceration rates in 2003
9 - 1 (LA, MS, TX, OK, AL, SC, GA, MO, AZ, DE)

10 states with the highest female incarceration rates in 2003
10 - 0 (MS, OK, LA, TX, MT, ID, AZ, AL, NV, CO)

15 states with the highest rates of death by firearms in 2003
15 - 0 (AK, LA, NM, WY, NV, AL, MS, MT, AZ, AR, SC, TN, WV, GA, KY)

15 states with the highest reates of suicide in 2003
14 - 1 (WY, AK, NV, MT, NM, ID, OR, CO, UT, AX, WV, OK, AR, SD, KY)

15 states with the highest percentage of obesity
14 - 1 (MS, AL, WV, TN, LA, AR, KY, TX, IN, MI, OH, SC, MO, OK, GA)

Here are two of my favorites: (tee hee)

10 states with the highest divorce rates in 2004
10 - 0 (NV, AR, WY, ID, WV, AL, KY, OK, TN, FL)

10 states with the highest illegitimacy rates in 2003
9 - 1 (NM, LA, MS, DE, AZ, SC, FL, NV, GA, AR)

And of course, the one every blue stater knows:

10 "Smartest States" 2004-2005 (based on 21 factors from the reference book Education State Rankings)

2 - 8 (VT, CT, MA, NJ, ME, MN, VA, WI, MT, NY)

Go forth and be smug, my Blue State friends.

Wicked Zoot Gets Her Galahad

2006-10-16T11:10:00.000-05:00

My bestest friend tied the knot this weekend.

The new Mrs. Leonard looked beautiful, as usual. It was a stupid busy cry-fest with tears a-pourin' and wine a-swillin'.

So my quarter-century compatriot in all things silly (shopping cart accidents, Russian accents, chubby bunnies, Frank McKay, bagpipers, and the Holy Hand Grenade) is now Sadie Sadie Married Lady.

I am happy. And now I will rest.

Queen of Bad Photo Ops

2006-10-16T10:28:00.000-05:00

I was named Queen of all things Bridie this weekend. That is me receiving my crown from Liz the Sea Hag Wench. It is a moment I will cherish forever.

Crock 'o Shit 'o the Day

2006-10-11T11:21:00.000-05:00

"It's important not to go back down that road..." That's what Condi said yesterday in defence of Bush & Co.'s refusal to have one-on-one talks with the North Koreans following this weekend's big kaboom.

That's Condi' blaming the Clinton Administration for Bush & Co's failure to keep its own promises about keeping the so-called Axis of Evil nuke free. Iran, Iraq and North Korea. Hmmm... Not doing so good is he on that one?

Shocker.

Read more

I'm Back

2006-10-08T17:12:00.000-05:00

Stupid busy folks. Sick on top of it. One day trip to Florida for bizniz (yeesh)
Deadlines up the yingyang. Weddings. Showers. You name it.

Sorry. No more whining. Back to business as usual.

2006-10-05T01:50:00.000-05:00

VoteVets Ad Campaign

I love this series that VoteVets.org is running against Macaca, Burns, Santorum and the rest of Wingnutia. THIS is how the current administration really feels about the men and women being sacrifice in their chess game.

This is Me

2006-10-02T15:30:00.001-05:00

Yep, this is what I feel like.

Zicam my ass. All it does is give you every symptom all at once instead of one at a time.

Pour me back into bed please.

A black, black day

2006-09-28T09:09:00.000-05:00

WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT ITS GOING TO TAKE TO GET THE DEMS TO STAND UP AND SCREAM ENOUGH IS ENOUGH????? What the fuck will it take??? This administration is trying to enact a bill the will allow them to name who is a terrorist (no matter where they live), and define WHAT constitutes TORTORE. Where are the moral "majority" now??? Where are the regular folk standing up saying, "What the fuck are you talking about? This is wrong. I don't care what you say!!" Where are the Dems??? Why are they rolling over on this. This is fucking last stand hill -- you can't cave on the morality of this issue. Let the terrorist baiting GOP wave red flags in your campaign -- fire back. Show pictures! Say, "this is what they want unilateral freedom to do to anyone they deem their enemy!!!" What the fuck? They cannot backroom politic this issue away. This is a black, black day for America. You mark my words, the outcry will come too late. When enemies of the state like your neighbor with the Lamont bumpersticker start disappearing off the street. When progressive blog sites go dark. When radio talk show hosts are fired. When college professors are videotaped and vilified. When someone with the wrong color skin or the wrong accent or the wrong car or the wrong fucking hair color suddenly stops showing up.

Here's today's NY Times editorial. Read it and weep.

Here’s what happens when this irresponsible Congress railroads a profoundly important bill to serve the mindless politics of a midterm election: The Bush administration uses Republicans’ fear of losing their majority to push through ghastly ideas about antiterrorism that will make American troops less safe and do lasting damage to our 217-year-old nation of laws — while actually doing nothing to protect the nation from terrorists. Democrats betray their principles to avoid last-minute attack ads. Our democracy is the big loser.

Republicans say Congress must act right now to create procedures for charging and trying terrorists — because the men accused of plotting the 9/11 attacks are available for trial. That’s pure propaganda. Those men could have been tried and convicted long ago, but President Bush chose not to. He held them in illegal detention, had them questioned in ways that will make real trials very hard, and invented a transparently illegal system of kangaroo courts to convict them.
It was only after the Supreme Court issued the inevitable ruling striking down Mr. Bush’s shadow penal system that he adopted his tone of urgency. It serves a cynical goal: Republican strategists think they can win this fall, not by passing a good law but by forcing Democrats to vote against a bad one so they could be made to look soft on terrorism.
Last week, the White House and three Republican senators announced a terrible deal on this legislation that gave Mr. Bush most of what he wanted, including a blanket waiver for crimes Americans may have committed in the service of his antiterrorism policies. Then Vice President Dick Cheney and his willing lawmakers rewrote the rest of the measure so that it would give Mr. Bush the power to jail pretty much anyone he wants for as long as he wants without charging them, to unilaterally reinterpret the Geneva Conventions, to authorize what normal people consider torture, and to deny justice to hundreds of men captured in error.
These are some of the bill’s biggest flaws:
Enemy Combatants: A dangerously broad definition of “illegal enemy combatant” in the bill could subject legal residents of the United States, as well as foreign citizens living in their own countries, to summary arrest and indefinite detention with no hope of appeal. The president could give the power to apply this label to anyone he wanted.
The Geneva Conventions: The bill would repudiate a half-century of international precedent by allowing Mr. Bush to decide on his own what abusive interrogation methods he considered permissible. And his decision could stay secret — there’s no requirement that this list be published.
Habeas Corpus: Detainees in U.S. military prisons would lose the basic right to challenge their imprisonment. These cases do not clog the courts, nor coddle terrorists. They simply give wrongly imprisoned people a chance to prove their innocence.
Judicial Review: The courts would have no power to review any aspect of this new system, except verdicts by military tribunals. The bill would limit appeals and bar legal actions based on the Geneva Conventions, directly or indirectly. All Mr. Bush would have to do to lock anyone up forever is to declare him an illegal combatant and not have a trial.
Coerced Evidence: Coerced evidence would be permissible if a judge considered it reliable — already a contradiction in terms — and relevant. Coercion is defined in a way that exempts anything done before the passage of the 2005 Detainee Treatment Act, and anything else Mr. Bush chooses.
Secret Evidence: American standards of justice prohibit evidence and testimony that is kept secret from the defendant, whether the accused is a corporate executive or a mass murderer. But the bill as redrafted by Mr. Cheney seems to weaken protections against such evidence.
Offenses: The definition of torture is unacceptably narrow, a virtual reprise of the deeply cynical memos the administration produced after 9/11. Rape and sexual assault are defined in a retrograde way that covers only forced or coerced activity, and not other forms of nonconsensual sex. The bill would effectively eliminate the idea of rape as torture.
•There is not enough time to fix these bills, especially since the few Republicans who call themselves moderates have been whipped into line, and the Democratic leadership in the Senate seems to have misplaced its spine. If there was ever a moment for a filibuster, this was it.
We don’t blame the Democrats for being frightened. The Republicans have made it clear that they’ll use any opportunity to brand anyone who votes against this bill as a terrorist enabler. But Americans of the future won’t remember the pragmatic arguments for caving in to the administration.
They’ll know that in 2006, Congress passed a tyrannical law that will be ranked with the low points in American democracy, our generation’s version of the Alien and Sedition Acts.

2006-09-25T12:53:00.000-05:00

Red Sox and Yankees Fans Agree

Now this is TRUE non-partisan politics.

Dick. Period.

2006-09-24T20:38:00.000-05:00

Arrogance personified.

"I like to tell people when the final history is written on Iraq, it will look like just a comma because there is -- my point is, there's a strong will for democracy."

Now here's my take:

"I like to tell people when the final history is written on George Bush, he will be branded a traitor and hung because there was a strong will to retain democracy."

The Last Lunch

2006-09-23T23:56:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so the girls got together tonight and had a little wine. It was sort of a Happy Birthday, Good Luck on the Marriage, Congrats on the Baby, Whathaveyou sort of throw it in together Mulligan Stew of a party. Lot's of fun. Props to Z and Karen for the loan of the Chateau. So as you can see, what got little blasphemous as the night wore on. It's all Mrs. Teddy Velvet's fault...she has perfect DaVinci Jesus hair.

The outtakes are hilarious.

2006-09-21T01:07:00.000-05:00

Olbermann to Bush: Apologize

The voice of sanity in the the wilderness.

Moxie Movie

2006-09-19T19:49:00.000-05:00

I hadn't see "The Green Mile" since it's theatrical run until tonight. I really like this movie. For a prison film its remarkably civil. Some might call it trite or hokey, but I guess I like my stories of good vs. evil like that. Michael Duncan Clarke is so massive his muscles look ready to explode from his skin. But his gentleness inside that body is remarkable. And I love his quote near the end of the film, where he tells Tom Hanks' death row "boss" that giving the order to "Roll on 2" and flip the switch to the electric chair will be a blessing. "Mostly I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world everyday. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head all the time. Can you understand?"

Anyone that follows politics on a regular basis these days sure can understand.

Bush Can't Spell Geneva, So Let's Get Rid of It

2006-09-15T09:46:00.000-05:00

The coked-up, drunk AWOL silver spoon brat that now sits in the White House has the unmitigated gall to tell John McCain, a real soldier who was brutally tortured for years, that tossing the Geneva Conventions aside will allow the US to fight terrorism.

How does this not infuriate everyone in this country? Bush and his chickenshit cabinet and Supreme Court In-Justices like Gonzalez are the ones that should be subjected to a little electrode on the gonads just to see how they like it. How quick would they be to invoke the Geneva Conventions then???

When did we become the bad guys people? When I was a kid the nuns would scare us by calling Russian's "souless communists" who would torture and kill you just for believing in God. (Seriously...that Sister Amata was one tough cookie.) There were still air raid drills where we had to line up in the hallways and lean on each other's backs in case of nuclear fallout! These were the boogiemen. These were the bad guys.

Now we've got a President -- a United States President!!! -- calling for the legal use of torture. You've got four strong GOP names (McCain, Warner, Graham & Powell) saying, "What the fuck??" But you've also got rabid dogs like Peter King saying, "I just think John McCain is wrong on this. If we capture bin Laden tomorrow and we have to hold his head under water to find out when the next attack is going to happen, we ought to be able to do it.”

How bout sticking King's head in a bucket of water and keeping it there until he sees the light.

To quote Sidney Blumenthal, "this congress has abdicated its constitutional obligation to assert its institutional authority." That authority included keeping the President within the confines o his job description. They have all failed miserably and the world is paying for it.

Crack in the Universe

2006-09-14T13:03:00.000-05:00

Whitney and Bobby have split????

Oh my God.
I'm in shock.
They were, like, so perfect for each other.
So stable.
So funloving.
So quiet and good natured.

I'm really sad.

I thought the crack whore look was really working for Whitney. And I mean Bobby was great at that whole ex-con bad boy thing; nobody did it better right?

Wow, next thing you know like Tom and Katie will be like, on their own.
Wierd...

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- The tumultuous marriage of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown -- which withstood drug addiction, Brown's numerous arrests, the decline of Houston's once-sparkling image and domestic abuse allegations -- is coming to an end.
Read more

2006-09-13T08:38:00.000-05:00

9/11 Special Comment - Keith Olbermann

Olbermann on 9/11. It's about 9 minutes long but it's classic Olbermann.

MoxieShot

2006-09-12T09:50:00.000-05:00

What: Queen Anne's Lace
Where: Wallingford, CT
I love the way each individual flower is so delicate and
how soft they are. I love to gently press my palm on top
of the stalk and feel the curve of the blossoms.
the curve of the

Silence Please

2006-09-11T10:59:00.000-05:00

I had to keep the TV off yesterday after I flipped channels in the hotel room in upstate New York and saw that just about every station was airing some sort of 9/11 rememberance show.

I think the majority of people in the tri-state area would agree with me when I say we don't need to remember...we never forget. Ever. It is with us every day. Just about every community in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut lost someone. As the months after the initial attack passed, folks in other parts of the country began to move on with their lives. We did not. The cluster-fuck in the Middle East is a constant reminder of that day. The park benches with the names of victims. The town-by-town memorials. The baseball fields, the street signs, the schools named for victims. Its still and open wound. People here understand better than anyone what the folks in New Orleans and Mississippi feel like when some callus fuck says, "Katrina is over. Get on with your lives." Its just not that easy.

So the TV will remain off. I don't need to see the pictures again. In some ways it hurts more now than it did then because of everything that came in its wake and how those poor people have been used in death to feed world war.

A really lousy day

2006-09-10T22:18:00.000-05:00

My betrothed and I were on our way to a wedding of a close friend and co-worker this weekend. The happy occasion took place on a boat cruising Lake George in the Adirondak Mountains of New York. The boat sailed at about 4:30. That's about a 4 hour drive from New Haven, totally doable when you leave your house at 10 am right? Well...maybe not.

10:05 - We hit a bizarre traffic jam about 1/2 mile away while I am attempting to reach the local dance boutique in order to purchase Hollywood Fashion Tape for the Bride, who requested in in order to help hold her dress up.

10:10 - The detour leads us know where and I get fed up and head to the highway.

10:15 - Funeral procession halts attempts to turn left.

10:20 - Stop at my sister's house to pick up a black dressy pocket book because I couldn't find mine. Plus I had to go to the bathroom.

10:40 - Stop at the bank to get money. In the parking lot we decide to head the non-direct route in order to visit The Black Swan in Newtown and price fireplace inserts. Plus I still have to get the Hollywood Fashion Tape and the only other place in the area they sell it is 5 minutes from the fireplace store.

11:15 - Black Swan

11:55 - Fashion Tape puchased.

12:00 - Route 84. No problemo. Should be able to make the hotel in Queensbury by 3:30 at the latest.

1:00 - PMS attack and fight with betrothed in car yields mandatory roadside stop, trip to bathroom, McDonald's french fries, and switching of drivers.

2:00 - Albany toll booth. Betrothed notices bad noise that sounds like an oil issue.

2:10 - Dead stop on Rt. 87. Traffic jam at least 5 exits. Map out, we opt for side roads.

2:15 - Pull over at Sunoco station in Schenectedy. Dipstick check. Absolutely NO oil in the car. Betrothed extemely unhappy because his 2002 Hyundai has never leaked a drop of oil but a new engine was recently installed because of some other issue. Car was at dealership for close to two months!

2:30 - Freak thunderstorm (might have been a baby tornado). Huge rain, blowing leaves. Nasty. Schenectedy as far as I could tell, is an armpit.

3:00 - Stuck on back roads trying to circle back to I-87. Stuck behind 18 wheeler doing 35.

3:30 - Pass through Saratoga. Wave to my favorite hotel, the Saratoga Arms.

3:45 - We discuss the possibility of bypassing the hotel and getting changed into wedding finery on the boat. Hotel is at Exit 19, boat at exit 21.

4:00 - Car dies just shy of Exit 18. Engine completely drained of oil.

4:01 - Attempt to call AAA. Verizon will not connect my call because I'm out of area. I almost throw piece of shit phone through windshield. Betrothed stalks off down highway so as not to throw himself in front of oncoming traffic and end the misery.

4:05 - Dial 0 and finally get connected to AAA.

4:30 - I call the bride who, amazingly, answers her own cell phone. Tell her to have a nice time without us.

5:15 - AAA truck finally shows up.

5:30 - Sitting in parking lot of Hyundai dealership waiting for betrothed's niece, a resident of Saratoga but currently in Albany, to come and rescue us.

6:00 - Niece arrives in Murray, a 1991 piece of crap car. I am very happy to see them both.

6:30 - Double rainbow over the Adirondaks. I figure my misery is coming to an end.

7:00 - Albany airport to pick up rent-a-car from only place within 100 miles that has one.

8:00 - Back in Queensbury at Ramada Inn

8:30 - Sitting in a Ramada hofbrau -- German-themed "grill" with a very nice waitress who brings me a double and an owner who offers to lend us her extra car if we need it.

9:00 - Shower

9:30 - Betrothed gives me half of his anti-anxiety pill (true love) kisses me and lets me sleep alone in one of the room's two double beds.

9:35 - I realize my Rush Limbaugh nightmare of a few evenings prior was a walk in the park compared to the day I've just had.

9:40ish - I finally pass out.

New running mate

2006-09-09T08:06:00.000-05:00

For my Harry Potter friends.

Nightmare

2006-09-09T07:12:00.000-05:00

True story: I woke up from a nightmare last night. Here's what was happening: I was at my office and there was preparation going on for some sort of huge meeting. I was pissed off because that's part of my job and the powers that be had opted to use someone else -- the corporate controller (whom in real life is very cook and who I like alot) -- who admitted that there would be a special event because she was using her connections. Her best friend (in the dream) was Rita Cosby who admitted that she was "dating" Rush Limbaugh. And through that connection HE had been invited to speak at my company meeting. Well, obviously I was wigging and immediately started preparing my list of questions. I was prepping for firing off remarks before he ever had a chance to speak. I was ready to lead the mass exodus from room and could see the CEO glaring at me. I was ready and willing to be quit, be fired, or whatever. Then I was going off on a tirade with a co-worker who "didn't see what the big deal was." I was screaming things like, "He's a total racist. He is the personification of everything that is wrong with this country. He IS the ugly American. Don't you understand what he thinks? He thinks black people can't swim!" That's when Kevin shook me awake. Man, and I was just getting started.

So I'm not stressed enough with work and planning about 300 wedding/baby showers/events. Now I have this moron to deal with in my dreams.

Oink

2006-09-05T16:18:00.000-05:00

This is what I feel like today.

Labor Day should be called Excuse to Eat a Lot of Crap and Look Like I Should Be Going into Labor Day.

'Nuff said.

2006-09-01T22:08:00.000-05:00

Old Funnies

THIS was funny.

Back from Birthday Land

2006-09-01T13:02:00.000-05:00

Big laugh of the day so far...

Happy Birthday to Moi

2006-08-29T20:42:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow's my birthday. I am old, but still cute. Dig those saddle shoes as I relax ever so comfortably on my Dad's favorite picture spot -- the back stoop. One picture over that is me on Mom's lap circa 1960something. Mom looks exhausted, which frankly is how she looked most of the time growing up...can't blame her. Six kids in about seven years will do that to you. She was probably 10 years younger than I am now when this picture was taken. I just don't know how she did it some times. I've been missing her a lot this week. She wasn't big on the birthday thing -- wasn't the greatest at sending cards or gifts. But she'd be the first one on the phone to you in the morning with a hearty Happy Birthday! And she made me lots of birthday dinners, which I always appreciated.

And looking at this picture I can see where I got my retro sensabilities -- judging from the wallpaper it had to have been imprinted on my brain from a very young age!

I will celebrate most heartily tomorrow by putting politics out of my head briefly. Since I'm hanging out with my oldest friend, who happens to be a Republican, it won't be easy. But we made a pact years ago not to discuss politics or religion. And we've been best buds for 25 years so I'm stickin' to it!

What I'm Listening Too...

2006-08-29T20:38:00.000-05:00

This...

Very, very funny song

War Hits Home

2006-08-27T17:03:00.000-05:00

Day after day the numbers add up and you become immune to them somehow. Faceless kids in a faraway place.

The smiling kid on the left is Cpl. Jordan Pierson 1st Battalion, 25th Marine Regiment, 4th Marine Division. 21 years old. UConn student. Milford resident. Dead from wounds received while on patrol in Fallujah.

I didn't know him. I don't know his family. But there's a good chance I know others connected to him. And that connects me somehow. The grief and devastation within his family must be unbearable. It must be that way for every one of the families of the 2,622 soliders who no longer walk this earth because of this nightmare. This boy -- this baby -- from the town I love -- is dead before he ever had a chance to live.

Full story

Rich Man's Game?

2006-08-25T17:41:00.000-05:00

I just started reading "Comes a Horseman" by Robert Liparulo. It's a thriller about two FBI agents chasing a killer who is working for a secret underground society of the world's elite bent on taking over the world. Hmm. Reminds me of someone. Who could it be?

The author, describing the secret society of twelve who are awaiting the arrival of the much prophecied anti-christ, has an interesting take on the mindset of someone raised to a life of privilege and pedigree versus the average Joe or Josephine who experiences desire as something hard won or out of reach.

I was particularly struck by this sentence on page 68:

"When any passion can be easily and immediately satiated, the experiences that stir even the most exhilarating emotions in humankind--love, accomplishment, adventure--soon take their place among common things. Consequently, the emotion that defined each of them was boredom."

I'm not an academic and don't know if this is a common conception or if it's based on historical or psychological evidence or merely the author's interpretation of what makes the rich folk tick. I do know that the sentence intrigued me enough to pick up a pen and underline it. Because given the state of the world today, and the position of all too many individuals labeled by society as "old money" or "the elite," you have to wonder if its all just a giant chess game played by a bunch of bored frat boys. Think of it: from the earliest days of your existence you can have whatever you want--women, men, booze, drugs, cars, travel, luxuries most of us could only dream of. You can go anywhere you want, do anything you want. There is absolutely nothing holding you back. What would you crave if everything material was already at your fingertips? What would satisfy a need that is no longer easy to satisfy? (Like any kind of junkie who needs bigger and bigger thrills to get the same high). Where do you go to get that thrill that the common folk might feel when they succeed at something more "mundane", like graduating at the top of their class, getting a promotion, or falling in love?

Is it a frat boy's boredom that's put the world in its current precarious state?

Take that Mahmoud

2006-08-22T21:19:00.000-05:00

Oh I feel so much better now.

What? Oil of Olay on a 747? Must be Al Qaeda!

2006-08-22T21:03:00.000-05:00

So apparently there are a few people left in the world who aren't afraid to say what they think. And mostly they think that George Bush and his Homeland Security efforts (and the UK version of both) are a feckin' joke. Leave it to an Irishman to put things so succinctly.

RyanAir to UK govt: ease off on security or we sue
RyanAir a leading European discount airline, has threatened to sue the British government if it doesn't ease off on its security measures.
Michael O'Leary, the outspoken chief executive of Ryanair, described the new restrictions as "farcical Keystone Cops security measures that don't add anything except to block up airports", as he issued the ultimatum.
Mr O'Leary ridiculed the notion of searching five- or six-year-old children and elderly people in wheelchairs going to Spain. Such scenes, he said, would have "terrorists laughing in the caves of Afghanistan".

Cat Anarchy

2006-08-21T22:04:00.000-05:00

I have little furry insurgents running around my house. Four of them. We adopted two kittens recently (don't ask) and the two older cats have decided to show their disapproval by using my furniture as a litterbox. My mother disliked cats intensely and is now haunting whichever one of the little critters pee-d on her couch. Kitten number one, Loretta Casterini, used my suitcase as a toilet right before we left on our weekend fling to Saratoga. Kitten number two, Miss Veda Boheme, took a crap on my bed.

Why is it that people have cats again?